These Twin Souls: Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine
What You Wanted

If I could go back in time and change a few things, not letting Verona leave without telling her I loved her would be the first thing I would do! Then maybe our lives would have been different, maybe we would have been happy earlier. I woke up to the sensation of Verona's hand down my boxers, "Wake up Ry!" she murmured and ran her tongue up my spine.

"Verona...stop!" I growled and pulled her hand out. I sat up and turned my head to look at her, she was still naked under there, pouting. Then with a wicked grin she threw the covers off to expose her bare body in it's entirety as I tried to compose myself.

"Like what you see?" she winked and swayed her legs slowly back and forth. Of course I did! What a stupid question!

"I have to call into the main office this morning..." I managed to reply as my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, "...so let's get some breakfast and..."

"Don't you want me for breakfast?" the whispery tone of her voice made my head spin and I felt nauseous. Why, after all this time, was I still so uncomfortable around her? Why did I still feel that we were doing something wrong? "After all, I am going to be your wife!" she giggled and jumped up behind me, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my face excitedly.
The feeling of her bare breasts pressed against my back made my legs turn to jelly. As she continued to attack me with kisses I turned to catch her lips with mine and pinned her down on the bed. As she looked up at me, her eyes scanned my face as she laughed and wriggled gently underneath me. "So what are you going to do now?" she purred and stared me down. I  pulled off my boxers, smothered her mouth with my own and did what she wanted...

As we lay entangled on my bed, I felt dirty! Ten minutes of unenjoyable lust! She lay there with a huge smile on her face, stroking my forearm as it was draped over her belly. It was a struggle for me to touch her, to even be near her! But I was a little worn out, I didn't have enough energy to get up and leave her there. I desperately wanted a shower, I wanted to wash her away! "We should have a baby!" she announced and that nausea came back.

"What?" was all I could get out.

"I said, you and me, we should have a baby! I want to have your baby!"

"Verona..." I sat up and looked down into her big blue eyes as they sparkled at the mere thought of carrying my child.

"Don't you want to get me pregnant? After you lost one with Gail..."

"It wasn't mine!" I snapped and stood up from the bed as she propped herself up on her elbows with a little gasp.

"How do you know?" she demanded as I retrieved my boxers and threw them on roughly.

"She told me, it was Gerry's, not mine!"

"Why didn't you tell me? All this time I thought you were hurting over it...I thought that was why you kept your distance from me, why you were being so grouchy all the time!"

"No Verona I was being grouchy because you're annoying!" I blurted out a little more vitriolic than I intended!

"Ry!" she squeaked and sat right up, covering herself with the duvet, for the first time she was shy all of a sudden. "We're getting married, you...we just made love! Why are you being so hot and cold???" she began to weep but it only made me angrier.

"I'm going for a shower, then I'm going to work! Please go home Verona! I need some space!"

"You only just got back from being away from me for a WHOLE WEEK!" she shrieked as the tears blinded her and she pinned the duvet in place, I know what your tits look like Verona so stop being so modest!

"YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME!!!" I yelled back, leaving her alone in my room as I stormed down the hall and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I pressed myself against the door as the hook dug into my neck, I could still feel the vibration of Verona's orgasm and I fought the urge to vomit. I was disgusted with myself for doing it, angry sex, that's all it was! I was angry with her for being so flirtatious, so teasingly inviting! She was right, I did blow hot and cold, one minute I wanted to marry her and the next I wanted to be as far away from her as was humanly possible.

I stood in the shower and turned on the cold water, it stung at first but then my body became immune to the icy sensation and I went numb. I pressed my hands against the wall in front of me and let the water run down my back, I let it run all my sordid thoughts down the drain. When I finally surfaced from the bathroom, Verona had gone. Only a tangled mess of pillows and duvet as evidence of her presence. I picked up my phone from the bedside table and texted Gail, I don't know why, it was just instinct. A minute later the phone rang, "Ryan? What's the matter?"

"Nothing!" I lied, "Just wanted to say hi!"

"Tell me!" she demanded, how did she know?

"Can I see you today?" there was a long silence until finally she replied,

"Sure, where?"

I saw Gail enter the garage, cross the shop floor as we called it, and head for the stairs. I met her at the door of the office with a smile on my face. "Hi!"

"Ryan, you need to tell me what's going on!" As we sat alone drinking coffee, I could hardly take my eyes off of her, had she always been that stunning? Finally I gave myself a mental shake and decided that honesty was the best policy.

"I'm...drowning!" and before I could stop it, the tears came. She shot up from her seat and kneeled down in front of me, her hands on my knees.

"Ryan! Baby!" she sat up and placed her hands on my face, our lips dangerously close, and began to cry with me. "Shhh, don't! I hate to see you like this!" she murmured and briefly brushed my lips with her own. I kissed her then, like a madman possessed! She struggled under my grip and I could hear her protests, feel them buzzing around my lips. As soon as I let her go she planted a cold, hard slap across my face and stood up.

"You f*cking b*stard!" she screamed!

"Gail I..." It was as if I had been outside my body looking at someone else, had I just kissed Gail???

"Why would you...Ryan I thought you were different!"

"I am!" I protested, "I've missed you Gail! If I'm honest, I think about you all the time..."

"You're with your precious Verona! How can you POSSIBLY BE THINKING ABOUT ME???" she yelled as the guys from the shop floor looked up at us.

"I'm so lost!" I cried, trying to take hold of her but she pulled roughly away.

"No, don't touch me!" she growled angrily. "I'd moved on, I thought you had too! Verona was the one you wanted! Not me! I'm with Gerry now! I can't afford to..."

"What?" I tried to find the answer in her huge green eyes, glistening with tears and yet so beautiful despite the fire behind them, the rage!

"...I can't afford to go back there! I loved you Ryan, I really did! I wanted to have your child for God's sake!" she ran her fingers through her red hair and screwed her eyes shut. "You were the second man in my whole fifty years of life that I ever loved with my entire being! I would have spent the rest of my life with you if you'd asked me to! But you wanted her! You always wanted her!" she grabbed her bag from the desk and headed for the door. "I've always been second best to her, and all I ever did was love you and give you everything I had! And it still wasn't enough! You're a very selfish human being Ryan Jensen. You want things and when you get them you don't want them anymore! You deserve to live a lonely life, you know that? Grow the f*ck up!" and with that she left me alone in the office as the slamming of the door rang in my ears.

You deserve to live a lonely life...yeah I did! Gail was right, what was I thinking dragging her into my horror show of a life? That night I went to Verona's house, we went upstairs to her bedroom and we had sex. She called it making love, I called it what it was...sex! A few weeks passed and we were planning our wedding, Ben wasn't happy and neither was Jade but they accepted our relationship. Yes I was marrying my twin soul...and I was miserable. I lived a half life, I was walking around like a zombie doing Verona's bidding. She wanted sex, I gave it to her. She wanted a baby, I threw my condoms in the bin. Business was doing very well, I had more money than I'd ever had my whole life and totally broke with it! I had a rich bank account, but not a rich life! We moved out of my childhood home and bought a large, four bedroom house on the outskirts near the second garage. I left the old house to Ben as well as the flat, and he was none too pleased about me moving into a bigger home with Verona. Every week consisted of me working, coming home to my fiancee peeing on a stick, "Not this week!" she would sniff and throw it in the bucket. "Let's try harder!" and then she'd lead me to the bedroom. I never saw Gail again, she and Gerry remarried and moved to another town with Evan. Jade and I had a strained relationship since the incident with her mother at the garage, she kindly hadn't told Ben. He would have battered me senseless if he knew. And the weeks continued to pass by quickly until it was time...time for me to marry Verona Marsh!

I stood at the altar with my best man, my gorgeous little brother who was a foot taller than me now. He was so handsome in his suit, he patted his breast pocket and winked, "Haven't lost them...yet!" he was referring to the rings. Verona had asked Jade to be her bridesmaid, she reluctantly agreed with a little persuasion from Ben. I'd invited Gail and Gerry but they politely declined, it was understandable. Verona came gliding down the aisle as the organ boomed around the church, she was beautiful...and yet I hated her! As she finally reached me at the altar she swept her veil back to reveal her big blue eyes and pouty red lips. Leaning in towards me she whispered,
"Come on then daddy! Make me Mrs Jensen!" she grinned from ear to ear. Daddy? It could only mean one thing, Verona's sick and twisted way of breaking the news that she was pregnant. I was going to be a father, she was having my child. Finally my fate was sealed! I stood on the spot with feet of concrete, unable to move or speak as Ben tapped my shoulder and asked me if I was alright.
"You look like you've seen a ghost!" he hissed as the Minister began to speak.
"Yeah you're not looking good Ry!" Jade muttered with a worried look on her face. Our friends and family sat expectantly to see a wedding, and at that moment I was tempted to bolt out of the church and run for the hills!
"Ry?" Ben's voice echoed in my head as the room began to spin and beads of sweat formed on my pasty brow. Verona frowned at me, expecting me to shake off this feeling and hurry up and marry her. But I couldn't! Finally my feet came loose from the floor and I pushed Jade out of the way running towards the front doors.
"RY???" Verona squealed and hitched up her dress to run after me, her bouquet falling on the ground as she abandoned it. I stood outside gasping for breath, bent over with my hands clamped on my knees for support, trying so hard to focus. Verona appeared behind me, "Ry??? What the f*ck???"
"I..." I gasped, "I'm sorry Verona I...can't...I can't do this!" her face grew hot with rage and she began pounding me on my back with her tiny fists.
"You little sh*t!" she screamed as I took the blows. Ben and Jade followed outside as I struggled with Verona on my back, hysterical. "I'm having your baby!"
"I know, and I'm sorry!" I cried as she slid off of me and slumped onto the ground like a puffy cloud, all white and silky, tears blinding her as her mascara ran down her cheeks. Bridezilla! The word jumped across my brain, she looked angry as well as devastated.
"Are you coming back in or what???" Ben demanded, "Is this happening?" he stared me down. I smiled, his eyes were pleading with  me to run, so I did.
"No!" I muttered, "I'm sorry Verona!"

Four days after I jilted Verona at the altar, I went back to our home on the outskirts of town. As I entered the living room, she was sitting on the sofa with a tub of ice cream wearing her sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Her hair was loosely and carelessly piled into a floppy bun at the top of her head and there were tissues strewn all over the place. "Hello Verona!" I greeted her quietly, she didn't turn around, just ploughed the spoon full of ice cream into her mouth. "I'm just here to pick up some of my stuff. Then I'll be out of your hair. You can bin what I don't take with me, okay?" still no reply, or acknowledgement of my presence. "You look...good!" and then she spoke,
"F*ck you!" she spat and continued to devour the ice cream. I headed upstairs and packed what I wanted to keep, I didn't intend to return so it was just the essentials. I'd made a decision and I was going to stick to it, it meant I would be in Verona's life for a while, but I needed to take responsibility. I slowly descended the stairs as she sobbed into a tissue in front of the t.v. and I felt nothing.
"Verona, I'm going now. But before I do, I just want to tell you that I will be there for the baby. You didn't make it yourself, so you can count on me. I want to be a part of its' life! And I will be, if you don't allow me to see my child, I will fight you!" she turned to look at me with sad eyes.
"I wanted this baby with you soooo much!" she whimpered, "I wanted to be your wife!"
"Well, I can't be your husband I'm sorry. But I can be your baby's father, and I will be! Take care." As I turned to walk away she cried out my name.
"Ry!" I turned back and struggled to look her in the eyes.
"Yes Verona?"
"I love you, I love you so much! Why can't you...I just want you to want me!" she wailed and threw herself back onto a stack of pillows.
"Welcome to my world!" I muttered, and left her to wallow on her own.

"It's going to be okay you know!" Ben put his arm around me as we sat out in the corridor waiting for my baby to make his or her appearance.
"I know!" I smiled, but deep inside I was scared. For a number of reasons, but the biggest fear I had was that there was something wrong with the baby, or Verona. Even though we lived apart and we weren't a couple, I still cared if she lived or died. She'd been in there for twelve hours and I was allowed to go in when they thought it might be time. Verona looked exhausted, her mother wiping her brow as she wept.
"I can't do this!" she sobbed and shook her head hysterically, "I...mum!"
"Yes you can darling, Ryan!" she snapped at me, "Come here and hold her hand, here's Ryan honey!"
"Ohhh, Ry! I want Ry!" she was like a child, giving birth to our child! I took hold of her hand and smiled down at her nervously.
"Hey, you're doing great!"
"Really?" she breathed, " Are you proud of me?" her eyes pleaded with me.
"Yes, very! Now come on, you can do this!" she nodded and as the midwife ordered her to push again, she didn't protest this time, she looked at me and smiled happily, then she pushed with every ounce of strength she had in her. Little cries surrounded the delivery room as the midwife pulled out a tiny little thing and announced,
"It's a boy!" I had a son! I was the father...of a baby boy! Verona leaned back on the pillow, still grasping my hand and she laughed triumphantly.
"I have a little Ry!" she squeaked. Squeezing my hand she turned to me and said, "I want to name him Denny!" I couldn't conceal the grin on my face, it was perfect! The nurse handed my son to me, baby Dennis Stanley Jensen. I looked into his hazel eyes and I fell in love. All this time I thought Verona was my twin soul, but I was looking at him! He had my eyes, but his features were all Verona, a little tuft of brown hair protruding from his perfectly shaped head. This was the love of my life, my son! This was the love I had been waiting for, the love I had yearned, my little Denny!

Five years flew by, my son grew up to be a beautiful little boy. He was starting school and Verona and I met at the end of our street to drive to the school together, I wanted to see him go in. His uncle Ben and Auntie Jade were there too with their three year old daughter, Sasha, a little red haired beauty like her grandmother. They married after graduating from university and they were blissfully happy. Gail and Gerry moved back to town and began fostering children, and they loved it. I saw them too at the school gates as I took little Denny by the hand and walked him towards his teacher. Kieran and Emma, Gail's latest foster kids were at the school too and as I passed her she smiled, "He's so big Ryan!" she gushed as Denny giggled.
"Hi Auntie Gail!" he replied bashfully.
"Hello Denny!" she ruffled his hair, "Good luck sweetie!" I mouthed thanks to her as Verona had her tissue out, dabbing her eyes. Denny turned to us both and grinned.
"Bye mummy, bye daddy!" he pulled his little hand out of mine and raced towards his new teacher, Mrs Hart. A lump formed in my throat as my fearless son ran into the building without even looking back! Mrs Hart could see how upset we were and called to us,
"See you at twelve, he'll be fine!" Ben put his arm around me as my niece grasped my leg.
"Don't cwy Uncle Wy!" she squeezed me tightly and I let out a giggle, she was adorable.
"He will be fine, he's a Jensen!" Ben winked as Verona slid her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder. I took her home, we sat in the car for a long time in silence. Until she finally spoke.
"I still love you Ry!" my heart began to race, "Can't we..." I knew what was coming next, she did this every time we went somewhere with Denny. I shook my head slowly and took her hand gently.
"No Verona, I love you too! I always have and I always will! But I'm not in love with you!" she began to weep like she always did.
"I don't want anyone else!" she sniffed and looked down at her lap. Despite myself, I made a confession, one that could possibly get her hopes up, but falsely so!
"Neither do I!" I said honestly. "But when I'm with you, I hate you! I resent everything about you, and I can't live like that! We get along better apart!" she nodded in agreement.
"But...we could always...give Denny a brother or sister? We could have another baby together! We make beautiful babies!" I couldn't disagree, our son was breathtakingly beautiful with his hazel eyes and floppy brown hair, Verona's heartbreaking smile. I did want another child, and it was true that I was alone and not pursuing anyone else. I was happy being a single guy living alone with my son coming to stay at weekends and holidays. The thought of having another Denny in my life made my heart burn with desire. I wanted another child, and it would be lovely for that child to be a full brother or sister for Denny. So I agreed.
"Let's do it then!" Verona let out a surprised gasp. "Let's have another child!"

Today is my thirty ninth birthday, I have everything I ever wanted. Well that's not entirely true! I wanted Verona, and although I have two children with her, we're not together. We have Denny, my six year old son who is his mother's double with my hair and eyes. And now we have Kayleigh, my nine month old daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes and a laugh that would make your heart melt! Jade sits beside me in the vast back garden at the home where my children live with their mother. She's heavily pregnant, with twins! Both boys, Sasha is going to school next year and her big cousin has vowed to look out for her! Ben looks worried, this pregnancy has been hard on Jade and he loves his wife to distraction. I'm so proud of my little brother, he's not a kid anymore, he's a twenty five year old man! And what an amazing man he is! I'm a happy man, my family completes me! When I was eight years old, a baby girl was placed into my arms and I fell in love! I was convinced she was my twin soul, I was half right! In the end she was the one who gave me my twin soul, my son! I sometimes wonder why it never worked between Verona and me, and I think maybe I wasn't looking into her eyes and seeing the love of my life, maybe I saw the future...little Denny! Maybe Verona was supposed to give him to me! I don't know, all I know is that my best friend would have loved his nephew and niece with all of his heart. I miss Denny, every day of my life! I miss the laughs, I miss being able to tell him anything, to confide in him my deepest innermost thoughts. He's been gone so long now, but never forgotten. My son jumps onto my lap and wraps his tiny arms around my neck, eyeballing me. "What'cha doin' daddy?" he asks.
"Nothing, well just thinking about you!"
"What about me?" He gives me a puzzled look.
"How much I love you!" He giggles and slides off my lap, running towards the other children. But before he does, he calls back to me.
"I bet I love you more!!!" his little sing-song voice makes my heart melt. Verona, carrying our daughter, sits down and joins me. She takes hold of my hand as Kayleigh babbles away on her lap.
"Happy Birthday Ry!" she smiles.
"Thank you!"
"Did you get what you wanted?" I smile back and take our daughter from her, kissing her lovingly on the forehead. I finally reply to Verona,
"I think I did, in a way I think I did!"

The End.