Chapter Seven: What It's Like To Be The Freak!
"Please?" Izzy elbowed Leo in the side and he grunted.
"I-I'm not ready!" he stammered and rubbed his side gingerly, his wriggling annoyed her and she shoved him playfully. As they lay on the grass in the park looking up at the blue sky, Leo had his notebook in his hand, the one he used to write his poems and thoughts in. Izzy wanted to hear something he had written but he was stubborn, they'd spent an entire week together so far during the summer holidays and Leo was living in a daze. Not that long ago he thought he'd lost her forever but here she was snuggling into him discussing what kinds of animals the clouds resembled and laughing about it. Leo had his hood down, he'd had it down since Izzy had kissed his face so tenderly that night she came to see him. He still wore hooded jackets and jumpers in case of emergencies, it was his security blanket.
"Go on!" Izzy whispered in his ear and rested her head on his shoulder, her warm breath tickling his neck and making him tingle.
"Okay!" He sighed and flipped through the book nervously.
"Yay!" She giggled and it was her turn to wriggle about as she got closer to him, nuzzling in.
"But don't laugh, don't make fun!" Izzy nodded and rubbed her chin on his chest, her big blue eyes gazing up at him behind those glasses in anticipation. He cleared his throat and began,
"Morning light, sing sweetly to me.
For I am in darkness and cannot see.
Until you arise and bring the dawn.
My darkness will go on and on.
Morning light, sing sweetly to me.
Bring me out of the darkness, let me see.
Your beauty, your love, your open arms.
Lead me to you, safe from harm.
Morning light, sing sweetly to me.
I am out of the darkness, I can finally see.
Until I have to return to night.
I will savour the warm love of your light.
Morning light, you sang sweetly to me.
I am back in the darkness, but I still see!"
Izzy squeezed Leo and sighed, he waited for her response but she didn't utter a word. The suspense was too much for him as he finally asked her, "So? What did you think?" He waited again and she looked up and smiled at him.
"You're never in darkness Leo, because you are the light!" And she reached up and gently touched his face. He tried to fight back the grin forming on it but he just couldn't, he'd never been happier in his whole life!
There were six weeks left before the wedding as Leo stood in front of the mirror frowning at his best man's suit. His mother Tara was brushing it down and tugging at it, pulling him in all directions. "It's too big, I told Charlie that!!!" She muttered and did not show any mercy as she continued to pull him about like a rag doll. "When is this elusive Izzy coming?" She enquired, a little hint of jealousy in her tone. She and Izzy hadn't met yet and today was the day, Leo wasn't too concerned about it...not until his mother had uttered those words in that manner.
"About half one, why? You have somewhere else you need to be? Because we arranged this and you said it was fine!" Tara shrugged and forced a smile.
"Nevermind me, I'm old and impatient. Now let's see if I can take these trousers up a bit!" She started to tug at him again but this time she was armed with pins! Twenty minutes of her assault and Leo was never happier to hear the three knocks on the door, Charlie!
"Alright mate?" He smiled as Leo pulled him inside roughly. "Hey! What's that about?"
"Why did you give my mum my suit? Huh?" Charlie shrugged his shoulders and lifted up his hands. "Well now I'm her human pin cushion thanks to you! Could you not bring it round yourself? And Izzy is due any minute!" Charlie laughed and punched his arm roughly.
"That was quick you sly old dog!" He snorted as Leo shot him an angry look, a pregnancy joke, very mature!
"Seriously Charlie I'm pissed off with you! As if my mum meeting Izzy wasn't going to be hard enough, she's spent the past half hour adjusting THIS!" Leo pointed at the suit he was wearing, covered in pins and coloured thread. There was a knock on the door for the second time as Leo's heart leapt up into his throat. "She's here!" He whispered and grabbed Charlie by the forearm.
"Yes, Izzy's here! Breathe?" He mocked him as Leo made his way to the door.
It was an awkward scenario, Leo sitting on the middle seat of the couch with Izzy on his left and his mother on his right. Tara was angled to the side so that she could get a good look at this girl, while Izzy clung to Leo's arm for dear life and looked down at the carpet. The silence was painful, but Leo didn't know what to say to break the ice, Charlie had hot footed it out of there leaving him with the two women. It was his mother who broke the silence, and Leo was dreading what she was going to say. "So, how long have you worked in the coffee shop?" Not too bad, Leo thought, and it seemed Izzy was relieved too.
"Um, about three years. Since I started my degree, I work weekends." Tara sneered and simply replied,
"I know!" Leo could feel Izzy's fingernails digging into his forearm and he tried not to make a noise. His mother was being rude and there was no need for it. "So..." Tara said again, and both Leo and Izzy looked at her like startled rabbits caught in the headlights of a car. "Are you two..." She nodded her head slowly up and down and pursed her lips.
"WHAT mother? WHAT?" Leo screwed his eyes shut as the veins at each side of his temples began to throb.
"Is this your girlfriend Leo? Or..." Leo tutted and scowled at his mother, while Izzy let him handle it and looked back down at the carpet.
"We..." Leo stopped, he had no idea what they were! Izzy wasn't his girlfriend nor was she his friend! He was unsure of their relationship status, it had never really been discussed. He turned to Izzy and asked, "Isabel, what exactly...I don't know what to say!" He looked lost, and Izzy knew exactly how he felt. She too wasn't sure how to define their relationship, all she knew was that she was very fond of him, very fond indeed. She knew he loved her, he'd told her as much the night she came to apologise. But she hadn't said it back, she had kissed him, and they hadn't really kissed properly since, but that wasn't exactly a declaration of love. And then the answer hit her as she took hold of his hand and smiled.
"We're...finding our way out of the darkness!" She said, referring to the poem he had read to her the other day. Tara looked bewildered and asked shrilly,
"What's that supposed to mean???" Leo stood up and ignored her question.
"Who wants some tea?"
Five weeks until the wedding and Leo was spending even more time with Izzy. As they sat on the couch, huddled together in front of the television, Leo wasn't interested in the film they were watching, Izzy's perfume was making him feel fuzzy. The more time he spent with her, the more he loved her but the more confused he was about her feelings. Was he just a friend? He'd made it clear how he felt about her, he'd always been straight with her! But she was yet to tell him what he meant to her! And it frustrated him a little, although he was just happy to be spending time with her. Was this a good time to ask her where he stood? Or should he wait it out until after her sister's wedding? As she snuggled into him and made those little satisfied sighs of hers, he wanted so badly to kiss her. And the old Leo would have, the old Leo would have seduced her and had her in his bed weeks ago. But that Leo was dead, that was the man he was forced into being and he had hated it! He looked at Izzy, her glasses reflecting the screen of the television, and felt the urge to have it out with her. "Iz?" He whispered and she looked up at him. "Can we...can we talk?" She sat up and flicked off the tv with the remote and gave him her undivided attention.
"What's the matter?" Leo hung his head and worked out his words carefully.
"Izzy, I don't want to push but..." She was looking so intently at him with those big eyes, he felt like a creep doing this, but he had to know. "The other week, when you met mum? And you said we were finding our way out of the darkness...did that mean that...you don't want to be my girlfriend or..." Izzy giggled over him and it made him angry, and his response surprised him. "What's...what's so funny?" He tried to hide his annoyance as she shoved him and let out a little snort. Leo shot up off of the couch and stormed upstairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him as Izzy sat, numb on the couch, not sure what to do.
"Leo? Will you let me in? Or come out? Whatever just talk to me!" Her pleading voice echoed around the hallway outside his room. He sat in the dark, wiping the tears from his face roughly. He knew what this was all about, it was because he was too ugly! She could never be with him like this! Izzy let herself into his room, and flicked on the light. "Right you, I thought this part of your life was over!" She scolded him and joined him on the floor.
"Please just leave me alone Iz!" He hitched his knees up to his shoulders and rested his arms on them, but before he could hide his face in there she took hold of his head in her hands.
"You wanted to know if I wanted to be your girlfriend or not..." Before she could finish he groaned and interrupted her,
"I know the answer to that you don't have to rub it in!" He tried to free his face from her cold hands, but she wouldn't allow it.
"You're an idiot you know that?" She shouted. He gave her a surprised look, a little hurt mixed in for good measure, and his mouth dropped open. Once he'd composed himself he replied,
"Look, I know it must be a hard thing to do, to grow to love..." He pointed at his scars, "...this! I understand, but just tell me! I'll still love you, you'll still be the most amazing person that's ever come into my life...that won't change! Friendship is fine, I can take that! Just don't be afraid to tell the truth!" Izzy looked insulted, she stood up and left him alone in his room. That's it then, he thought, whatever this is...it's over!
But when she appeared a few moments later and threw a magazine down at his feet, he was confused. "What's..."
"Look at it!" She ordered him, but when he didn't move she shouted "LOOK AT IT!!!" Leo picked it up and took a glance at the mens cologne ad, his ad, the one he did a couple of years ago when he was cheating on Makayla.
"It's me!" He mumbled and went to put down the magazine when Izzy crouched down to meet his eyes and pushed it into his face.
"What do you see?"
"I told you, me!" He muttered irritably.
"Look at it again! Look at the smile on your face! Yes you're beautiful, big blue eyes and expertly groomed stubble, and don't get me started on your shiny brown hair just sitting so carelessly and perfectly on your shoulders! Yes you are a vision to behold! Some might say you are the perfect specimen of a man! But you're not!" Leo looked in her eyes, wondering what she was going to say next, was it going to be the ugly speech again? "You're gorgeous, but behind that smile you're cocky! You're arrogant and you know you're the perfect specimen and that is what was your undoing! When I was at school there were plenty of you there, and you teased me, you bullied me! You humiliated me in front of everyone and stole my glasses, flushed them down the toilet, dropped them into my soup in home economics! Yes you thought you were funny and everyone else did too, at my expense you got your kicks and your notoriety!" Leo shook his head,
"But that wasn't me! I wasn't like that..." Izzy held up her hands to allow her to finish, and he did.
"I said boys like you, pretty boys with ugly hearts. You were so handsome and athletic and all the girls loved you, including me if the truth be told, but you were nasty and wicked and you took pleasure in watching others suffer! I was hounded by you all through my teenage years! And then you cheated on me at university with my best friend who was a MAN!!!" She bit her lip and slid down onto her backside, crossing her legs and hanging her head. "Pretty men have caused me grief my whole life! When you came into the coffee shop with Chaz, I saw your face was mangled the minute you walked in, and you know what I thought?" Leo shook his head again, this time intrigued, "A genuine, beautiful person! Someone with a beautiful heart that glowed for everyone to see! It wasn't the scars that distanced me from you! It was the fact that you had been so pretty before, it wasn't because I wanted your old face and was sickened by this one, it was the opposite! I wanted you to be like me!" She began to cry. Leo stopped himself from holding her and asked,
"What do you mean?" She looked into his eyes and wept,
"Born a freak!" And he couldn't resist it any longer, he lunged forward and pulled her into his arms, holding her as tightly as he could.
"Isabel you are NOT a freak! You're the most beautiful and amazing girl I've ever known! When I walked into that coffee shop, it was because of you! I wanted to know you, it was your appearance that attracted me to you in the first place! You're hot girl!" Izzy laughed a little and shook in his arms.
"You know what it's like to be adored, you never got bullied for being a specky eyed weirdo. You were always perfect until some mad woman knifed you and threw boiling water in your face!" She looked up at him and smiled sadly, "But now I guess you do know what it's like, don't you? You understand now, hiding away from the world, scared of what people will say or do!" Leo smiled and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Yes I do, but the difference is I never felt I had to hide from you. And I'm sorry those guys were mean to you, if I'd been in school with you I'd have kicked their butts! Charlie will tell you, I hated bullies! But the way I behaved when I got famous, those are the times I'm ashamed of! I thought when I met you that I could move on and be the guy I should be. I watched you work, and it made me fall in love with you! I think I was meant to find you, I think you're my reward for taking responsibility for all the crappy things I did..." Izzy laughed softly and squeezed him.
"So are you mine for putting up with so much grief?"
"Well I dunno, I'm still unsure of how you feel! I'm just so unsure of everything except that I love you!" Izzy leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, she let the kiss linger for as long as their breaths could hold and then she finally let go. She whispered in his ear,
"Well if you don't know by now then you're extremely stupid aren't you?" She picked up the magazine on the floor, tore the ad out and ripped it into as many pieces as she could, throwing them up into the air as they fluttered down all over the floor like confetti. Leo laughed quietly as she hugged him tightly and mumbled, "You're way prettier than him anyway!"
To Be Continued...
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