These Twin Souls: Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven
Life & Death

It was mid May and I lay on top of my bed, fully clothed, as I thought about Denny. It had been a years since we lost him and I found myself thinking of him more and more as time passed. The only person I had to talk to about it was Verona, and since my altercation with Nick and his bit on the side, I was avoiding even seeing her in the street these days. Ben was coming home in a few weeks after his first term at university, I was excited to have him back but I knew that meant Jade was returning with him meaning I wouldn't have him back in the way I'd hoped. I missed my little brother, I missed him more than I ever thought I would! Business at the garage was doing well and I could finally afford to get the roof fixed on my house, get a new kitchen and install a bath in the bathroom along with the shower. Jade liked baths, and since she would be spending even more time in my home I thought it only fair to pander to her every need like I used to with Verona! I couldn't help it, I only ever wanted my nearest and dearest to be happy! Plus I still felt guilty for ending it with her mother. The lovely Gail, I bumped into her at the supermarket a few days before and we chatted for twenty minutes, it was friendly...I yearned for her which surprised me. I wanted to hold her, she looked so frail and delicate.
Finally she told me why, she was pregnant...and it could be mine! As I lay on my bed with a million things going on in my brain, the possibility of being a father didn't feel real, or maybe I was in denial! When Gail told me that she'd slept with her ex-husband the night we broke up, I didn't know what to say, only that I was sorry that it didn't work out and I understood that we do things when we're upset. Long ago Gerry Bennett had cheated on her with a woman from work, now Gail was the other woman. Had I driven her to that? If I'd never asked her out in the first place and come into her life, would she still have done what she did? Or was it just revenge? Whatever it was she now had consequences to deal with, this child of hers! She told me that when the time came, if the baby arrived looking at her with hazel eyes, then she'd know! Deep down I hoped it was Gerry's, and I knew I was going to the fiery depths for thinking such a thing, I didn't want the responsibility! When did I become such a bad guy?

After lying in for the first time in ages, I finally made an effort and got up for a coffee. Standing at my back door was Verona, just looking in through the glass. I opened the door and let her in, saying nothing, I flicked the kettle on and turned to face her. Leaning on the countertop I looked at her expectantly as she threw herself down onto one of the dining chairs. Still I waited for her to speak, but she just sat there with her head in her hands looking miserable. Finally I cracked and spoke first as the kettle clicked off. "Coffee?" she nodded and threw her arms down onto the table. As I took out two mugs from the cupboard above me and spooned some coffee granules into them I continued to carry the conversation. "So, is there something you want Verona?" I was startled by the feeling of her arms around my waist and her mouth pressing onto my back. I stood as still as a statue for a moment as she kissed up and down my spine, it made my entire body burn with a desire to have her right there on the kitchen floor, but I resisted the urge. She ran her hands up and down my chest, lifting my t-shirt up, kissing my bare back as I still stood motionless on the spot. Finally she mumbled,

"I miss you Ry! I miss Denny! I just want you back in my life! I WANT you!" she attempted to pull my t-shirt over my head but I put my arms down firmly to stop her.

"Verona no!" I whispered and pushed her off of me, she let out a tiny whimper and stared at me with pleading, watery eyes. "What are you trying to do to me?" I growled at her, I began to feel extremely annoyed with her.

"I told you!" she whined, "I want you!"

"Why? Why me? Why now?" she tried to grab hold of me but I stepped away from her with my arms upheld to fend her off.

"Ry, don't you want me? I know you do, you always do!"

"You seriously need to grow up Verona! We're not kids anymore and you can't just snap your fingers and I'll come running!"

"Ry.." she pouted and stamped her foot, but I didn't let her finish her complaint.

"No! You're getting married in under a month and here you are trying to screw me??? Why Verona? What about Nick?" she grabbed hold of me then as I was caught off guard and pressed her soft lips to mine, her hands wandered up and down my back and she made little moaning sounds as she bit my bottom lip playfully. This was just too much! Somehow I managed to find the strength to push her off again and she landed against the dining table with a thump. She cried out and rubbed her back gingerly.

"Ow Ry, that hurt!" she shrieked and gave me a nasty look.

"Please go Verona, don't come back! Marry Nick and just forget about me okay?"

"No Ryan I can't!" she wept, "Just...one more time? So I can get over you!" she begged as I held the back door open for her to leave. I looked down at the linoleum and sighed. She wanted to have sex with me, for whatever reason I didn't know, and I was turning her down. Oh how I'd grown over the last few years!

"You seriously need to go! NOW!" She stood for a minute, waiting for me to change my mind, and when it finally sunk in that I wasn't going to...she left.

I was supposed to have the day off but after my encounter with Verona, I decided to head in and do some paperwork. I was confronted by Nick as I tried to get into my car, he looked mad, as if he wanted to hit me...bring it on! He began yelling as Verona came running out of her house and across the street to meet us. I simply stood at my car waiting to see how this would all pan out, not concerned at all, sick of their games! "Hey you!" he bellowed and grabbed me by the lapels, "You trying to f*ck my fiancee huh??? HUH???" he pulled me in towards him and cracked his forehead against mine, was this supposed to scare me? Try harder!

"Nicky!" Verona cried and tried to pry his hands off of my jacket.

"No no, let him vent Verona!" I chuckled through my discomfort, but really it was entertaining!

"Nicky please!" she begged and still tried to peel his fingers off of me, one by one.

"STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!" Nick growled and I still laughed to myself, what a show!

"Gladly!" I croaked, my breathing was constricted and I was starting to feel pain where his hands were nipping my skin, but this was a riot!

"Yeah...what?" he let me go and looked at me with confusion.

"I said gladly! Youre fiancee came to ME telling me she wanted me, lucky for you I ignored my huge boner and threw her out of my house!" Nick looked from me to Verona then back again, still looking completely puzzled.

"Nicky..." Verona began as I turned to get into my car, still smarting a bit but trying to hide it as much as I could.

"Is this true?" Nick mumbled, he had the audacity to sound hurt, betrayed, sad even!!! As I got into my car I told them both,

"You guys really are made for each other, ciao!" Verona grabbed the driver door as I tried to close it and pulled me back out, and I let her, I was too tired to fight anymore!

"What do you mean by that Ry? No more games!" she insisted as I let out a bitter laugh.

"Games? Wow hypocrite much?" I raised my eyebrow at her and she scowled at me, kicking me in the shin. "Ow!" I hopped on one foot as the pain shot up my leg and into my groin, "Okay, Nick are you going to tell her or am I?" I smirked at him as he turned green, rubbing my shin I laughed, obviously he wasn't man enough to do it!

"Tell me what Ry???" Yeah it was up to me, so be it!

"Nicky here has been banging some brunette at the motel for god knows how long! I caught him twice with her, happy now?" Verona's face fell and she fell into my arms, I didn't know what to do, so I held her awkwardly as she sobbed into my chest. "Verona I need to get to work!" I muttered, half annoyed and half sympathetic to her plight.

"Verona baby she means nothing!" Nick half-heartedly tried to win her round.

"Take me with you!" she said suddenly and looked into my eyes with tears trickling down her rosy cheeks.

I don't know why I let her come, but we sat in my office, MY office! Wow that was going to be hard to get used to! Natalie was giving Verona the evil eye as she played with my phone. She was twenty four years of age and I still treated her like that little girl I protected all those years ago. Except I loved her like a man loves a woman, that would never change either! Natalie went on her lunchbreak and left us alone together, Verona smiled and began reading out some old texts I had exchanged with Gail. "Going to be a bit late baby, work was hell!" she giggled.

"Verona, stick to Google?" I grunted at her as I waded through a mound of paperwork.

"You two were so cute!" she gushed and slid her finger down the screen, scrolling through my love life.

"Gee thanks!" I replied sarcastically. She continued to scroll through them until she got to one I hadn't read yet.

"First scan on 23rd May if you're interested?" Verona looked up at me in confusion, "Scan for what?" but seeing the expression on my face, the penny dropped. "She's pregnant!" she nodded sadly. "I take it you broke up before you found out?" I nodded back and made my way over to her. I knelt down on the floor and looked up at her.

"It might not be mine. But even if it is, I don't know if I want...god I sound like such a creep!" She took hold of my hands and tangled her fingers around mine.

"No Ry, you've never been a creep and you never will be! Now Nicky, that's a creep!" she laughed softly then added, "Verona, she's a creep!" she shook her head and began to weep. "But not you Ry, never you! You're a beautiful person inside and out! And I've treated you terribly!" Her tears dropped onto her jeans as she continued to play with my fingers entwined in her own. "I love you Ry! I always have done, I just...I didn't deserve you! Until I met Nick, I always liked the feeling of you being there, of you watching me...but keeping you at arms length. I wanted to lose my virginity to someone kind, gentle and loving! Someone that I loved, you!"

"Verona let's not do this, the past is the past..." I tried to change the subject but she placed her hands on my face and leaned in to kiss my lips as I drew back.

"Kiss me Ry, I want you!" she whimpered. I pulled away and stood up.

"Verona, I'm never going back there! I'll always love you, but I have to let you go!"

"Why?" she whined and stood up to face me.

"Because you make me feel things and..."

"Is that really so bad?" she pulled me towards her by the belt of my jeans and tried to kiss me again, but I turned my face away. "Ry please!"

"You have to earn me!" I blurted out, what was I saying? I pushed her off and walked over to the other side of the office so that there was as much space between us as possible. "You have to prove to me that you are serious, you have to prove that you're not just using me until the next Nick comes along and you're off to pastures new!" she nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes I will! Do you mean it? Will you...will be with me if I do?" her eyes were begging me to say yes, the tables had really turned. Usually it was me trying to snatch the tiniest ray of hope from her, and I was enjoying the power I had.

"Like I said, you have to earn back my trust and my love! I won't just lay down for you Verona, not this time! Lose the battle, win the war, that's what Denny always said! Well you've lost the battle for number one place in my heart, but you can win the war to get it back!" she nodded again.

"I will Ry, I will!"

I continued to see Verona in a friendly capacity, it was just like old times only I was the one playing hard to get this time. I was unsure of how things were going to work out, and there was the small matter of Gail and her baby. It was my birthday and Verona had come breezing over at the crack of dawn to give me my card and presents. Ben got up a couple of hours later and shrugged at the sight of Verona flipping pancakes at the cooker, he didn't approve of our friendship and felt that she was no good for me. Secretly he wanted Gail and I to get back together. It wasn't going to happen, not even if I was the father of her child. I hadn't heard from Gail since I attended her first scan, she told me again how much she wanted her baby to have my eyes. I was secretly hoping it wasn't mine, I didn't want to be responsible. I regretted that feeling enormously when later that day, as Verona presented me with a huge birthday cake, Jade received a phone call from her father. Gail had lost the baby, and I felt like crap! They'd kept her in overnight so I went over to see her when she got home much to the annoyance of Verona who was insanely jealous of my feelings for Gail. Jade took me round and I went upstairs, she was lying in her bed looking heartbroken, she wanted that baby...she wanted it so much. I didn't knock, I didn't stand by the bedside and wait for her to greet me, I sat on the bed and held her gently. I breathed her in as she wept in my arms, she shook uncontrollably as she cried into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry!" I whispered and cupped her head in my hands, "I really am so very sorry!" I didn't realise I was crying too until she raised her hand up to my face and wiped a tear away.

"It was a boy!" she said softly, smiling sadly she added, "He was Gerry's! I lied to you!" And somehow I couldn't be angry with her, it didn't matter now. Okay she lied, but I was flattered that she wanted her baby son to be mine too!

"Shh, get some rest. I'll be downstairs if you need me okay? I'm not going anywhere!" Verona was waiting back at mine, we were going to watch some DVDs together, her way of trying to win me round. The only place I wanted to be was with Gail, she needed me, and I needed to be needed...unconditionally, not like before with Verona! Gail never asked anything of me, just to be there, and that was enough.

I didn't return home until the next morning and when I did get back, Verona was asleep on my couch wrapped in my jacket. Ben whispered "She's been there all night!" and looked down at her disapprovingly before retreating back upstairs. I didn't have the heart to wake her, so I went into the kitchen and made myself a coffee. Spending the night at Gail's brought back the feelings I had for her, I missed her, I lay on her bed on top of the covers just holding her all night. I had to leave first thing to get changed for work, and there was the small matter of Verona who appeared at my back at that moment.

"I waited up but you never came home!" she said quietly and hugged me from behind. "How is she?" I wanted to pull away from her, to tell her to leave and never come back. But I put up with her clinginess.

"Oh you know, devastated!" it came out a little harsher than I wanted it to but she paid no attention to my tone.

"And how are you?" her question surprised me, like she cared. "It was possibly your baby too, I'm sorry Ry. It's a terrible thing to happen. I'm here for you if you need to talk or..." she trailed off and let me go. "I'm off home, call me after work okay?" I spun around and watched her walk down my hall towards the front door, still wearing my jacket.

"Thanks!" I called to her as she turned back and smiled.

"It's my turn to be your rock Ry! I have a lot of debt to pay!" And now for the second time in twenty four hours, I felt like crap! I changed quickly upstairs as Ben appeared in my room looking unhappy.
"What's up kiddo?" I asked him as I hurriedly threw on an old t-shirt and jeans.
"It's her!" Ben muttered and sat down on the bed, his miserable expression depressed me. Just when things were looking better, my little brother was unhappy!
"I take it you mean Verona!" I smiled sadly and sat next to him to tie my shoelaces.
"Who else? I mean you and Gail were happy, why did you have to split up?" I sighed impatiently and put a brotherly arm over his shoulder.
"I don't have time for this right now I'm late! But let's order a take-out tonight and have a guys night in, no Jade or Verona or Gail, just you and me. There will be plenty of time to talk! I love you!" I kissed him on the forehead as he protested and I ran out of my room jumping down the stairs, three steps at a time.

Gary had called a meeting, he wanted to open a new garage on the outskirts of town to save us travelling too far to breakdowns. It was a good idea in theory, but the extra staff was worrying me, I'd never really had money to burn and my family always struggled to make ends meet. But Pete had reassured me that Gary had a good business head on his shoulders, so I trusted them. Natalie held back after the meeting as I went online to order Verona's birthday present away from prying eyes, I knew it was silly but I was going to buy her a custom made necklace with her birthstone, I was still her b*tch and I didn't care. As Natalie stood at my desk expectantly, I finally looked up and acknowledged her presence. "Hey, what's up?" I put on a false smile and looked up at her. She looked nervous, that wasn't her style!
"I er...listen Ryan I know you're probably going to get annoyed but..." she bit her lip and wrung her hands, "...oh Ryan I love you, I've always loved you! Is there any chance..." she trailed off and her eyes begged mine, she really was beautiful and if I wasn't so confused over Verona and Gail I would have seriously given her a chance, but adding another woman into the mix was deadly!
"Natalie..." she began to cry and I melted, like the stupid sap I was, I melted and ran to hold her. She cried in my arms and I just wanted to escape from everything! As I held her tightly she mumbled something into my shoulder, "Huh? Natalie..." she looked up at me and repeated what she'd said.
"I said I might as well be dead!"
"No don't say that, listen..." what the hell was I doing??? "...go home, have a nice hot bath, put on your best dress and I'll pick you up at seven okay?" her eyes lit up and she blinked at me with surprise.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise! Now go!" she wiped the mascara from her face and left the office with a skip in her step. What was I doing? And more importantly WHY was I doing it??? As I went into autopilot, calling up Baileys for a reservation which I could now easily afford, I thought about the other women in my life and I felt sick. At this rate I'd end up dead in an alley with a stiletto in my heart!

To Be Continued...