Chapter Six
Numb
"You don't have to wear it!" Gail mumbled as we stood in her bedroom looking into her oversized mirror, I smiled cheekily and pulled her towards me.
Numb
"You don't have to wear it!" Gail mumbled as we stood in her bedroom looking into her oversized mirror, I smiled cheekily and pulled her towards me.
"I love it! Why would I not wear it???" I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder gently as she giggled.
"I hoped you would, it's so you!" She brushed down the midnight blue shirt she had bought me for Christmas, tugging it at the bottom and fussing. "It feels so nice and soft, and it brings out the gold specks in your eyes!" Gail and I had been seeing each other for four months and I'd never been happier. I'd kept my mouth shut about seeing Nick with another woman and two weeks later he and Verona were back together and planning their wedding, I was immune to her now! I couldn't care less if she married him or not! Ben and Jade were happily settled at University together and studying hard, in fact I practically lived at Gail's now that Ben had moved out and the house was so empty. Evan put a dampener on our happiness just a tad, but Gerry was more than accommodating when it came to taking him off of our hands for the odd few nights. So all in all, life was good! Gail looked up at me with those big green eyes and winked. "We've got at least an hour before our reservation, fancy a lie down?" We still hadn't consummated our relationship, I was giving her the space she needed, but it was fine by me as I wasn't ready to get that serious despite the L word getting mentioned a few months before.
I felt bad that I hadn't said it back yet, but when I felt I was being sincere I would! As we lay on the bed in each other's arms, I felt my heart flutter with excitement, was I finally over Verona? She'd put a Christmas card through my door, it had three kisses on it from her and Nick! It made me want to gag and when I showed it to Gail she just shrugged and placed it on the windowsill with the others. I was very honest about Verona to Gail, I felt it was only right and she was open about Gerry too. I stroked her red hair and got lost in her eyes as we lay there, happily entwined in each other and in comfortable silence.
We had the whole family together on Christmas day, including Gerry and his partner Maria. It went well, nobody fell out except Evan was as sullen and moody as ever, puberty did that to a boy I remembered it well. Luckily for Evan he didn't have a Verona in his life making things ten times worse! A few days after Christmas, Ben and Jade were leaving to go back to university but before they did, Ben had a question for Jade. As he got down on one knee in Gail's living room my heart was in my mouth. I hoped he wouldn't make a fool of himself, that she would say yes! She looked shocked more than anything else and as he uttered the words "Jade Bennett, will you marry me?" she let out a tiny cry of joy and squeaked a yes in reply. I was over the moon for him but also a little apprehensive, he'd only started university a few months before and he was still only eighteen! But if this was what he wanted then who was I to get in the way? As I helped Gail clear away the dishes from dinner she began to weep quietly as she frantically scrubbed the plates.
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked her and took her hands out of the basin of soapy water, pulling off the rubber gloves I sat her down at the kitchen table. She covered her face with her hands and wailed, I didn't know what to do as I kneeled down on the floor and placed my hands on her knees, awkwardly helpless! Finally she stopped crying and took her hands away to reveal a tear stained, pale face.
"I want another baby!" she announced in a sad tone as her green eyes burned into me. It was like I'd been hit by a train, I didn't know what to say, I wasn't sure if it was possible at her age to have another child. I knew I was more than capable of giving her what she wanted but...it just came out of the blue! Her eyes were still burning into my soul as I sat on the floor in shock! "Ryan say something!" she mumbled nervously. What could I say?
"What are you saying?" was all I could reply.
"That I want to be a mother one last time, what do you think I'm saying?" her pleading turned to anger as she turned away and tutted in frustration, I wasn't sure whether she wanted me to father this child or not.
"Are you saying...that you want us to have a baby?" I asked her slowly, I could see a smile form at the corners of her mouth and she giggled like a little girl.
"Yes Ryan, I want to have a baby with you! That's if...you do want children don't you?" her smile faded as I took her hands in mine and stood up, pulling her off the chair in the process.
"I do want children Gail, always have done!" I sighed and let go of her hands, I turned to look out of the kitchen, Gail's back garden never looked so good. "It's just that...I always imagined I would have kids with Verona! I guess things don't always turn out the way you plan them eh?" I felt Gail's hands on my shoulders, working their way softly down to my wrists as she spun me slowly around and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my chest. I expected my honesty to hurt her, but instead it had brought her closer to me.
"I can't promise you little blonde, blue eyed beauties. But I can promise you fiery little redheads!" I laughed at that statement despite my worry, but in the back of my mind the thought of Ben having his niece or nephew as his sister or brother-in-law was far too confusing! I needed to take my mind off of things, so I took her upstairs and we finally slept together, but since my mind was elsewhere the earth didn't exactly move...well not for me anyway.
As we saw in the new year and got on with our lives, there was no mention of babies again until Valentines Day. I had planned a romantic dinner at mine for us, I was cooking so there was a good chance the date would end in A&E! Either by fire, sharp objects or food poisoning! I saw Verona now and again in passing but I never spoke to her, I only waved. Gail told me I was being stupid and that I should take our friendship into consideration, she was always too kind. That was why she and Gerry were still friends despite his cheating! I just didn't want to talk to Verona, she'd hurt me and I wanted to focus on Gail...and our baby when the time came. Was I feeling any easier about having a child with my brother's future mother-in-law? Not particularly, but I wanted to hold onto her, I was afraid if I said no she would break up with me! We had been sleeping together often and I still wasn't overwhelmed by the outcome, I never did get that moment of perfect clarity that I got with Verona. I tried to think of it as a learning curve, I could grow to enjoy sex with Gail. It wasn't her fault, it was mine, I was hanging onto a lost love and it was costing me dearly in the bedroom! When she arrived that night she looked amazing, she stirred excitement in me that wasn't a problem. In fact I think she turned me on more fully dressed than she did when we were both naked, I was so confused, I should have been blissfully happy with this wonderful woman...but Verona still plagued my thoughts, that b*tch! I hated her for making me love her, I hated her for ruining my time with Gail. We never ate what I cooked, we spent the evening in my room, trying to connect and failing miserably. I wanted to feel, I really did! But no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't happening. The next morning, as Gail invited me into the shower with her, she finally broached the subject of my lack of passion. "Is it me?" she wept as the water cascaded over us. I held her tightly and tried to soothe her, but she was obviously hurt and upset by my struggling enthusiasm.
"No, no not at all!" I rubbed her back lovingly.
"Then why don't I please you? Why are you never satisfied with me???" as she cried into my chest, I felt like a total bastard! Was it fair for me to give her any less than one hundred percent? Was I just being selfish holding onto her like this for my own means? After all she was my ticket out of Veronaville and it wasn't working, my train got derailed before it even left the station! As I held her there in the shower, the hot water turning cold on us, I knew we weren't to be. I'd always known I just didn't want to accept it.
After sitting down with Gail and talking it all out, we both decided to call it a day. We both cried, we hugged, kissed, said our goodbyes and that was that. I poured myself into my work and as the days passed, I missed her! There was no doubt in my mind that I'd done the right thing though, I couldn't lie to her any longer...she was just too good for that! I never did get to tell her I loved her back, and I did! In my own way I did! She was too good for a scumbag like me, I was a loser who worked in a garage fixing cars, I wasn't ever going to amount to anything! So it came as a shock to me when Pete asked me into the office, shooing Natalie away and closing the door behind him. "Sit down Ryan!" he instructed me sternly, was I in trouble? I sat down as he got behind his oversized and very messy desk and threw himself into his swivel chair. I was feeling nervous, I needed this job to pay for Ben's tuition!
"Pete, is everything okay? I mean..." he held up a chubby hand to silence me and I did just that, I shut up!
"Ryan you've been working here for over fourteen years and I've been very impressed with you from the start!" he placed both his hands on the desk and looked intently at me, "You're my best mechanic!" as he picked up a piece of very official looking paper I felt the urge to vomit! "I want you to have my share of the business, I'm retiring in a month, my heart won't take all the stress. My son Gary will come in with you and concentrate on the business side of things as long as you supervise the other mechanics. You'll be the boss only I want you to still do your job now and again when the boys get stuck, like I said you're my best mechanic! But you have a good head on those shoulders and the customers like you, that's why I'm giving you my remaining share, I had a lot of time for your dad kid! We went back a long way, even fought over your mother once, but that was a long time ago!" he laughed softly, remembering the fond memories he had of my parents. "So, all you have to do is sign this...and it's half yours!" I sat numb on the seat for a few moments, me...half owner of this garage??? Me and Gary were only a couple of years apart and we got along pretty well, this could work! I signed the paper before Pete could change his mind, and now I was co-owner of Henderson Auto Repairs!
Within the month Pete had a new sign put on the front of the garage, Henderson & Jensen Auto Repairs. I felt like I was dreaming, I was going to get half of the takings and I would be able to more than afford Ben's tuition, I could maybe buy him a flat near the university for him and Jade! Ben was proud of me, but sad that Gail and I didn't make it. I was sad too, I wanted it to work. As Verona and Nick continued to plan their wedding, I received an invitation through my door, hand delivered. My Verona was getting married on June 21st! In three months! She had addressed it to me only, obviously she knew Gail and I were no longer together. I imagined her getting satisfaction out of it, I was lonely again and she wasn't...if only she knew that Nick was a sleazeball! I got a call to a breakdown near the motel one afternoon and spotted Nick's jaguar outside again. Being the nosy creep that I was, I went to find out what he was doing there. I knew Jenny Tyler from school, she worked as a cleaner at the motel so I took advantage of our friendship and enlisted her in finding out where Nick was. I flirted with her a little and she checked to see if he was staying there, he was in the same room as the last time. I thanked Jenny and headed over there, time to really give him a scare. The same brunette answered the door and instantly recognised me, "You!" she grunted.
"Hi is Nick with you?" she stepped back and tried to close the door in my face but I put my foot in the gap and pushed it open. She looked at me in horror as Nick jumped out of the bed and wrapped a sheet around his waist to protect his modesty.
"Ryan!" he spluttered and edged into the doorway of the bathroom.
"Hi Nick! What's going on?" he crept even further into the bathroom as if he was going to lock himself in to get away from me but I crossed the room as quickly as I could and grabbed the sheet he was holding over his manhood. I wrapped it around his neck and pushed him onto the bed, tightening my grip as he choked. "Now you listen to me, you either end it with Kim Kardashian here, or you end it with Verona! Your choice!" the girl stamped her foot and shouted,
"Nick who is Verona???" I laughed out loud and let him go as he slid off the bed and onto his knees holding his neck and coughing to get his breath back.
"Oh this is just getting better and better by the minute!" I turned to the girl and smirked, "You don't know about his fiancee Verona?" she turned ashen and a look of fury exploded onto her face as she lunged for Nick and punched him repeatedly in the chest, then in the delicate area as he yelped and cried with every blow. I left them to it, I'd done my job. I imagined she would no longer want him, so Verona was stuck with him now. Was I going to tell her what a rat her future husband was? That I wasn't sure of...like I said, I'd done my job...or had I just made things worse?
To Be Continued...
I felt bad that I hadn't said it back yet, but when I felt I was being sincere I would! As we lay on the bed in each other's arms, I felt my heart flutter with excitement, was I finally over Verona? She'd put a Christmas card through my door, it had three kisses on it from her and Nick! It made me want to gag and when I showed it to Gail she just shrugged and placed it on the windowsill with the others. I was very honest about Verona to Gail, I felt it was only right and she was open about Gerry too. I stroked her red hair and got lost in her eyes as we lay there, happily entwined in each other and in comfortable silence.
We had the whole family together on Christmas day, including Gerry and his partner Maria. It went well, nobody fell out except Evan was as sullen and moody as ever, puberty did that to a boy I remembered it well. Luckily for Evan he didn't have a Verona in his life making things ten times worse! A few days after Christmas, Ben and Jade were leaving to go back to university but before they did, Ben had a question for Jade. As he got down on one knee in Gail's living room my heart was in my mouth. I hoped he wouldn't make a fool of himself, that she would say yes! She looked shocked more than anything else and as he uttered the words "Jade Bennett, will you marry me?" she let out a tiny cry of joy and squeaked a yes in reply. I was over the moon for him but also a little apprehensive, he'd only started university a few months before and he was still only eighteen! But if this was what he wanted then who was I to get in the way? As I helped Gail clear away the dishes from dinner she began to weep quietly as she frantically scrubbed the plates.
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked her and took her hands out of the basin of soapy water, pulling off the rubber gloves I sat her down at the kitchen table. She covered her face with her hands and wailed, I didn't know what to do as I kneeled down on the floor and placed my hands on her knees, awkwardly helpless! Finally she stopped crying and took her hands away to reveal a tear stained, pale face.
"I want another baby!" she announced in a sad tone as her green eyes burned into me. It was like I'd been hit by a train, I didn't know what to say, I wasn't sure if it was possible at her age to have another child. I knew I was more than capable of giving her what she wanted but...it just came out of the blue! Her eyes were still burning into my soul as I sat on the floor in shock! "Ryan say something!" she mumbled nervously. What could I say?
"What are you saying?" was all I could reply.
"That I want to be a mother one last time, what do you think I'm saying?" her pleading turned to anger as she turned away and tutted in frustration, I wasn't sure whether she wanted me to father this child or not.
"Are you saying...that you want us to have a baby?" I asked her slowly, I could see a smile form at the corners of her mouth and she giggled like a little girl.
"Yes Ryan, I want to have a baby with you! That's if...you do want children don't you?" her smile faded as I took her hands in mine and stood up, pulling her off the chair in the process.
"I do want children Gail, always have done!" I sighed and let go of her hands, I turned to look out of the kitchen, Gail's back garden never looked so good. "It's just that...I always imagined I would have kids with Verona! I guess things don't always turn out the way you plan them eh?" I felt Gail's hands on my shoulders, working their way softly down to my wrists as she spun me slowly around and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my chest. I expected my honesty to hurt her, but instead it had brought her closer to me.
"I can't promise you little blonde, blue eyed beauties. But I can promise you fiery little redheads!" I laughed at that statement despite my worry, but in the back of my mind the thought of Ben having his niece or nephew as his sister or brother-in-law was far too confusing! I needed to take my mind off of things, so I took her upstairs and we finally slept together, but since my mind was elsewhere the earth didn't exactly move...well not for me anyway.
As we saw in the new year and got on with our lives, there was no mention of babies again until Valentines Day. I had planned a romantic dinner at mine for us, I was cooking so there was a good chance the date would end in A&E! Either by fire, sharp objects or food poisoning! I saw Verona now and again in passing but I never spoke to her, I only waved. Gail told me I was being stupid and that I should take our friendship into consideration, she was always too kind. That was why she and Gerry were still friends despite his cheating! I just didn't want to talk to Verona, she'd hurt me and I wanted to focus on Gail...and our baby when the time came. Was I feeling any easier about having a child with my brother's future mother-in-law? Not particularly, but I wanted to hold onto her, I was afraid if I said no she would break up with me! We had been sleeping together often and I still wasn't overwhelmed by the outcome, I never did get that moment of perfect clarity that I got with Verona. I tried to think of it as a learning curve, I could grow to enjoy sex with Gail. It wasn't her fault, it was mine, I was hanging onto a lost love and it was costing me dearly in the bedroom! When she arrived that night she looked amazing, she stirred excitement in me that wasn't a problem. In fact I think she turned me on more fully dressed than she did when we were both naked, I was so confused, I should have been blissfully happy with this wonderful woman...but Verona still plagued my thoughts, that b*tch! I hated her for making me love her, I hated her for ruining my time with Gail. We never ate what I cooked, we spent the evening in my room, trying to connect and failing miserably. I wanted to feel, I really did! But no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't happening. The next morning, as Gail invited me into the shower with her, she finally broached the subject of my lack of passion. "Is it me?" she wept as the water cascaded over us. I held her tightly and tried to soothe her, but she was obviously hurt and upset by my struggling enthusiasm.
"No, no not at all!" I rubbed her back lovingly.
"Then why don't I please you? Why are you never satisfied with me???" as she cried into my chest, I felt like a total bastard! Was it fair for me to give her any less than one hundred percent? Was I just being selfish holding onto her like this for my own means? After all she was my ticket out of Veronaville and it wasn't working, my train got derailed before it even left the station! As I held her there in the shower, the hot water turning cold on us, I knew we weren't to be. I'd always known I just didn't want to accept it.
After sitting down with Gail and talking it all out, we both decided to call it a day. We both cried, we hugged, kissed, said our goodbyes and that was that. I poured myself into my work and as the days passed, I missed her! There was no doubt in my mind that I'd done the right thing though, I couldn't lie to her any longer...she was just too good for that! I never did get to tell her I loved her back, and I did! In my own way I did! She was too good for a scumbag like me, I was a loser who worked in a garage fixing cars, I wasn't ever going to amount to anything! So it came as a shock to me when Pete asked me into the office, shooing Natalie away and closing the door behind him. "Sit down Ryan!" he instructed me sternly, was I in trouble? I sat down as he got behind his oversized and very messy desk and threw himself into his swivel chair. I was feeling nervous, I needed this job to pay for Ben's tuition!
"Pete, is everything okay? I mean..." he held up a chubby hand to silence me and I did just that, I shut up!
"Ryan you've been working here for over fourteen years and I've been very impressed with you from the start!" he placed both his hands on the desk and looked intently at me, "You're my best mechanic!" as he picked up a piece of very official looking paper I felt the urge to vomit! "I want you to have my share of the business, I'm retiring in a month, my heart won't take all the stress. My son Gary will come in with you and concentrate on the business side of things as long as you supervise the other mechanics. You'll be the boss only I want you to still do your job now and again when the boys get stuck, like I said you're my best mechanic! But you have a good head on those shoulders and the customers like you, that's why I'm giving you my remaining share, I had a lot of time for your dad kid! We went back a long way, even fought over your mother once, but that was a long time ago!" he laughed softly, remembering the fond memories he had of my parents. "So, all you have to do is sign this...and it's half yours!" I sat numb on the seat for a few moments, me...half owner of this garage??? Me and Gary were only a couple of years apart and we got along pretty well, this could work! I signed the paper before Pete could change his mind, and now I was co-owner of Henderson Auto Repairs!
Within the month Pete had a new sign put on the front of the garage, Henderson & Jensen Auto Repairs. I felt like I was dreaming, I was going to get half of the takings and I would be able to more than afford Ben's tuition, I could maybe buy him a flat near the university for him and Jade! Ben was proud of me, but sad that Gail and I didn't make it. I was sad too, I wanted it to work. As Verona and Nick continued to plan their wedding, I received an invitation through my door, hand delivered. My Verona was getting married on June 21st! In three months! She had addressed it to me only, obviously she knew Gail and I were no longer together. I imagined her getting satisfaction out of it, I was lonely again and she wasn't...if only she knew that Nick was a sleazeball! I got a call to a breakdown near the motel one afternoon and spotted Nick's jaguar outside again. Being the nosy creep that I was, I went to find out what he was doing there. I knew Jenny Tyler from school, she worked as a cleaner at the motel so I took advantage of our friendship and enlisted her in finding out where Nick was. I flirted with her a little and she checked to see if he was staying there, he was in the same room as the last time. I thanked Jenny and headed over there, time to really give him a scare. The same brunette answered the door and instantly recognised me, "You!" she grunted.
"Hi is Nick with you?" she stepped back and tried to close the door in my face but I put my foot in the gap and pushed it open. She looked at me in horror as Nick jumped out of the bed and wrapped a sheet around his waist to protect his modesty.
"Ryan!" he spluttered and edged into the doorway of the bathroom.
"Hi Nick! What's going on?" he crept even further into the bathroom as if he was going to lock himself in to get away from me but I crossed the room as quickly as I could and grabbed the sheet he was holding over his manhood. I wrapped it around his neck and pushed him onto the bed, tightening my grip as he choked. "Now you listen to me, you either end it with Kim Kardashian here, or you end it with Verona! Your choice!" the girl stamped her foot and shouted,
"Nick who is Verona???" I laughed out loud and let him go as he slid off the bed and onto his knees holding his neck and coughing to get his breath back.
"Oh this is just getting better and better by the minute!" I turned to the girl and smirked, "You don't know about his fiancee Verona?" she turned ashen and a look of fury exploded onto her face as she lunged for Nick and punched him repeatedly in the chest, then in the delicate area as he yelped and cried with every blow. I left them to it, I'd done my job. I imagined she would no longer want him, so Verona was stuck with him now. Was I going to tell her what a rat her future husband was? That I wasn't sure of...like I said, I'd done my job...or had I just made things worse?
To Be Continued...
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