Ugly Heart: Chapter Four

Prologue
Chapter One: Rock Bottom.
Chapter Two: Baby Steps.
Chapter Three: Tongue-tied!

Chapter Four: Old Versus New.

Leo had waited a whole week to see Izzy again and when Saturday finally came around he felt the butterflies in his stomach as he pulled his black hoodie over his head. The front door opened downstairs and Charlie's voice boomed through the hall and up the stairs. "LEO!!!" Leo adjusted his hoodie and headed downstairs to meet his friend. Charlie didn't look best pleased.

"Charlie, hey! What's up?" Charlie frowned at him and sighed.

"We need to have a little chat!"

Leo filled and boiled the kettle as Charlie sat down on one of the stools by the kitchen counter top. "I was just going out actually, but I'm sure I can spare you an hour or so." he took two mugs out of the cupboard above him and placed them on the counter with a smile on his face.

"Let me guess, to the coffee shop in Juniper Street?" Leo gave his friend a side glance as he spooned some coffee into the mugs.

"Yeah..." he didn't like the look on Charlie's face, "...why?" he asked him, feeling more than a little concerned.

"Leo what are you playing at? Eh?" Leo shook his head in confusion and turned to face him.

"I don't understand, what have I done?"

"Izzy phoned me Sunday night, said that my friend had been in a few times and that he keeps leaving her fifty quid! Leo you've given her £250 for a few coffees at £1.50 each!!!" Leo shrugged and replied flatly,

"She makes good coffee, what's wrong with that?" Charlie laughed bitterly and stood up.

"Isabel has been through a very tough time lately, she doesn't need the likes of you messing things up even more for her! I know you've had your fair share of ups and downs too but I still remember the old Leo that got you into the shit you're in today! And I don't want that old Leo hurting Izzy! Understand???" Leo was taken aback by Charlie's attitude, all he had done was go for coffee and tip the waitress.

"Charlie I...I'm trying to go back out into the world!" he said quietly as Charlie's expression softened and he attempted to speak, but Leo held up his hands to stop him and continued, "It took a lot for me to go to that coffee shop with you and...well I felt comfortable around Izzy, no one else makes me feel like that apart from you and my mum. I can't keep bothering you with the wedding coming up and mum doesn't keep so well, she hides it but I know she struggles to look after me and herself at the same time. So I thought I'd go out, try and gain my confidence back and be around someone who made me feel...something other than self loathing, depression, sheer terror at the thought of being around people! So I'm sorry you feel that I'm being an arsehole for that, and I'm also insulted that you think the old me is still in here! But I won't go back there if that's what you want?"

Leo and Charlie had sat down and talked things out for over an hour. Charlie explained that Izzy was struggling at university after her boyfriend was caught in bed with her best friend, who happened to be a guy. It turned out that they had both used her as a cover story as they weren't ready to come out to their families. Her self esteem had hit rock bottom, she had difficulty trusting people and Charlie was fiercely protective of his future sister-in-law. Leo explained his own actions to him, hoping that they could both work out exactly what was going on with him. "I feel calm when she's around, I like watching her work. I think it's the normality of it all that makes me feel content. I don't like that other girl though!" Leo wrinkled his nose. "She's bitchy!" Charlie laughed and elbowed him playfully.

"I think you like Izzy! And no wonder, she's an amazing girl! She's studying music at uni, classical music in particular. She's a real geek! But there's just something about her...like her sister!" Charlie blushed as he thought of Amanda, the girl who had stolen his heart. "She's just so...genuine!" Leo was holding his coffee cup with both hands on the counter as he tapped it with his finger and cocked his head to the side, not making any eye contact at all.

"Does she...does she ever...mention me?" Charlie gave him a wide eyed grin.

"You mean apart from the fifty big ones?" he chuckled.

"Charlie!" Leo muttered in frustration, "You know what I mean...does she know...about the scars? Has she noticed them I mean?" Charlie took a long time to answer but when he did, he chose to be honest.

"Yeah!" he gave him a sympathetic smile. "But she only asked what happened, she wasn't repulsed or anything...just...curious?" Leo nodded and took the empty cups over to the sink, then Charlie suddenly exclaimed "HEY! Your hood's down!"

Charlie had said it was okay for Leo to visit Izzy again, but not to leave her such a huge tip as it was freaking her out. She was happy to see him when he went in, hood up for his own security, and ordered his coffee as usual. When she brought it over to his table he blurted out "How are you?" she stood up straight and a tiny gasp escaped her lips.

"I'm...I'm good, you?" he was feeling brave so he pushed on.

"I'm fine yeah! Did you see that film last night? BBC One I think, sc-fi thing!" he nodded as if he had actually watched it.

"No, I was studying. I have a big exam on Monday and I'm probably going to fail it so..." Leo butted in nervously.

"Would you sit with me a minute?" her blue eyes grew wide behind her thick glasses and her cheeks flushed. "I mean, you get a break yeah?"

"Y-yes..." she stammered and shook her head swiftly, her ponytail swooshing from side to side.

"Cool, can I buy you a coffee? Or anything you like, I just need a little company if you don't mind?"

"Uh...n-n-no! I...sure I'll just..." she gestured to the coffee machine behind the counter and went to pour herself a cup.

"...and so she said she'd give me one more chance and an extension. I really need to pass on Monday but it's highly unlikely!" Izzy pouted and traced the rim of her cup with her index finger.

"All you can do is your best!" Leo shrugged and his hood slipped a little, he tugged it back in place and tightened the chords around his neck. As Izzy studied it, looking irritated.

"Why don't you leave it down?" Leo laughed nervously and tugged the chords a little harder.

"Charlie did explain, right? And you've obviously seen why..." Izzy's expression changed to bewilderment.

"I know you have some scars, I don't know how you got them or anything, Charlie never said!" Leo felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, he wasn't ready for this conversation, he'd only just talked it through with Rhys! He couldn't live it again!

"Well, I'd best be off. Thanks for keeping me company, I appreciate it...here!" he slid another fifty towards her and she groaned.

"No, not again, way too much!" he stood up and headed for the door. "Leo?"

"I want you to have it!" Izzy let out a frustrated cry and shouted to him,

"What are you an oil tycoon or something?" He turned to look at her and smiled sadly,

"I was a model once upon a time, and I saved well!" he pushed the door open and sprinted off up the street.

Leo was a little embarrassed about going in to see Izzy that Sunday. So he gave it a miss, even though he yearned to see her. Charlie popped round to try and talk him into agreeing to the best man duties. "It'll be cool! Just a small gathering no big deal!" Leo wasn't listening, his mind was on other things.

"Charlie will you see Izzy before tomorrow?" Charlie blinked and nodded.

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you wish her good luck in her exam for me?" Charlie smiled wryly.

"Sure thing Valentino!" he nudged him playfully as Leo blushed. "Told you, you like her! She's the head bridesmaid so you'll get to dance with her at the wedding, more reason to be my best man eh?" Like Leo hadn't thought of that already! But he played it cool and shrugged.

"I'll think about it, I already told you! I'm not committing myself just yet!"

Tara Hardy had arrived at her son's house the following Saturday morning to cook him some breakfast. She hadn't seen him for a few days and she was worried he might not be eating again. But when she let herself in she was surprised to see that he was heading out somewhere rather than lounging in front of the television. "I was going to make pancakes, I picked up some maple syrup at the supermarket, and some blueberries!" she looked Leo up and down, "You off out somewhere?"

"Yeah, going for a walk then I might pop into that little coffee shop up the road." Tara nodded sadly, trying to smile.

"Have you eaten?" Leo opened the front door as he pulled his hood over his head and tightened it in place.

"I had some toast, yeah! See you later!" and he was gone.

After doing a little housework and changing his bed clothes, Tara decided to head down to that coffee shop Leo mentioned and check he was okay. When she got there, she looked in the window and spotted her son immediately. He was sitting at a table in the back laughing, his hood perched further back on his head than usual but still covering most of his face, and a young girl who obviously worked there sitting with him. Tara watched them for a little while, it warmed her heart to see the glow in her son's face and the twinkle in his eyes as he conversed with this girl. She was in her early twenties with thick glasses and blonde hair, she was so very normal. Tara liked that, Makayla and all Leo's other girlfriends had been completely fake in body and in spirit! But this girl was a breath of fresh air, and the way she made Leo laugh like that, it was a breakthrough indeed. But as Tara made her way back to Leo's home, her heart ached. She felt a little jealous of this girl, where she had failed to bring her son back out into the world, this young woman had succeeded! Tara never mentioned being at the coffee shop to Leo, she never mentioned seeing the girl and she resisted the temptation to ask about her. She hoped that he would tell her in his own time. He was still smiling when he returned, he was turning a corner and Tara wasn't totally convinced that it was the therapy sessions that were helping him.

Rhys could hardly get a word in as Leo was chatting away about his best friend's upcoming wedding and the girl in the coffee shop who he went to see every weekend. It was a good sign that Leo wanted to go out in public so often and on his own, but Rhys was concerned that he was trying too much too soon. Agreeing to be Charlie's best man was a big step, one that Rhys was unsure that Leo was ready to take. "...and she passed so I bought her a card saying congratulations and she was smiling and it made me feel good you know?" Leo beamed as he recalled that Saturday when Izzy told him her good news.

"That's great that you've made a friend outwith your comfort zone Leo, really it is but...take things slow. Rome wasn't built in a day!" Rhys cautioned him as Leo's face fell.

"I'm not giving her up! She's the only person who knows me as I am now, it's a clean slate! She doesn't know the old me and I like that! Because let's face it, the old me was a bastard! I see that now! And if Makayla hadn't done what she did I'd still be a bastard now!" Rhys smiled reassuringly and shook his head.

"Leo I didn't say that you had to give her up. On the contrary she's good for you, but I merely feel that you should rethink the best man part. You could be risking a relapse, what I would suggest is try and go for a walk with the hood down. Then re-assess the situation."

Izzy Henderson sat in the bridal shop flipping through an old magazine as her sister tried on dress after dress. "How about this one?" Amanda asked her as she twirled around dramatically. Izzy looked up and twitched her nose.

"Hmm, looks like the last one. Sorry I'm no good at this!" she continued to turn the pages lazily as Amanda uttered a number of expletives and retreated back into the fitting room. Izzy's eye caught an advert for an aftershave, the male model was vaguely familiar. As she studied his face, the blue eyes were unmistakable...it was Leo! He was so handsome, stunningly so! With his black shirt open and exposing his muscular physique beneath it. His smile was adorable, it made her swoon. She had never seen his face properly under that hood, but this was the old Leo, the one who wasn't afraid to be out in the world and stand tall. What happened to him?

"What are you gawking at in there?" Amanda made her jump, she hadn't heard her come out. "Ogling the crumpet are you?" she scoffed and sat beside her.

"Are you done then?" Izzy composed herself and shoved the magazine into her book bag.

"What are you doing with that?" her sister demanded.

"It's got a coupon in it that's up in a month so..." Amanda bought her answer and stood up.

"Yes I'm done, your heart isn't in it so we'll come back another day!" Izzy yawned and linked arms with her as they exited the bridal shop together. But the image of Leo in that magazine would not shift from her mind!!!

To Be Continued...