Ugly Heart: Chapter Two

Prologue
Chapter One: Rock Bottom.

Chapter Two: Baby Steps

Tara Hardy had spent the best part of a weekend clearing her son's house for his return home. Papers thrown out, clothes washed and put away, dishes cleared, fridge gutted and the blinds opened! It was looking like a proper home again as she surveyed her handiwork. The final touch was putting clean bed linen on his bed and as she did so, she felt a lump under the mattress. She pushed it aside and a book dropped onto the floor with a thud, a diary. Tara sat down upon the bed and warily flipped it open to the first page. It started off as a typical lad's journal, and then it spiralled into an abyss of misery. As painful as it was to read how Leo had been feeling after that fateful night, Tara could not put the diary down. She had to get to the last page, and she was sorry that she did:

"My career is over, my self confidence is shot to hell, I can barely look at myself in the mirror and I hide in my house like a hermit with the curtains and blinds closed. And in here I shall remain until the end of my life, I want this hell to end...so it won't be too long now!"

Tara slammed the book closed and struggled to breathe, her heart pounded in her chest and her mouth grew dry. A wave of nausea washed over her and her head spun, the dizziness threatened to overcome her as she lay back on the bed and took long, deep breaths. As she started to feel like herself again, she heard the front door open and two male voices filled the silence downstairs.

She descended the stairs carefully to meet Leo and Charlie. That hoodie was glued to his body it seemed as he wandered over to the couch and threw himself down. Charlie smiled sympathetically at Tara and nodded towards the stairs. "I'll go put his bag in his room eh?" Tara smiled back and mouthed a yes before joining Leo on the couch. He had already turned on the television to some afternoon cookery programme.

"Glad to be home?" she patted his knee and he flinched slightly. "How did you get on with Rhys?" Leo snorted and began shaking his legs up and down nervously. "I like him, and he's the best in his profession!" Leo suddenly shot her a dirty look and replied bitterly,

"Best shrink in the land! Lucky me!"

Tara had decided to stay with Leo for a few days despite his protests. Charlie had offered but she doubted that Amanda, his new girlfriend, would have been too pleased about that. Leo was still quiet, moody and reluctant to leave his bedroom. But at least she could finally get him to eat, and leave the hoodie off for a while. As he pecked away at his sandwich like a baby bird, Tara studied the scars on her son's face and came to the conclusion that they weren't as bad as Leo felt they were. She thought about the night the detective appeared at her door. He had informed her that Leo had been attacked and was badly injured, his ex-girlfriend Makayla, crazy girl, went for him with a knife. Not only did she manage to cut his face, but she also threw a pot of boiling water at him too. The consultant at the hospital had told her that Leo would be scarred for life, meaning the end of his modelling career and his acting début would never be! He had recently got the part in a film, but there was no chance of him doing it now.

Leo became aware of his mother's staring and went for the hood, "No! Leave it down!" Tara snapped, "Let your skin breathe!" Leo reluctantly obeyed her and put down his barely eaten sandwich.

"I'm not going to my appointment today!" he announced flatly as Tara's eyes widened and she let out a little squeak.

"What?" he put up his hands in defence and scowled.

"Don't start mum! I said I would give it a try and I have. Now leave me be!"

"But Leo you've only talked to Rhys once! One more meeting, please???" Leo groaned and shook his head angrily.

"Mum don't do this! I don't need a shrink! I just need to be left alone!" Tara grabbed his plate and took it over to the bin, tossing his sandwich in and throwing the plate roughly into the sink.

"Leo if you don't do this for me I will never forgive you! Charlie will take you and he'll even go in with you..."

"NO!" Leo shouted over her.

"Then behave like a grown man for once!" he nodded and sloped off towards the stairs.

Leo Hardy sat in the small waiting room, hood up and face to the wall. There were only two other people there, a teenage girl and her mum. The girl kept looking over at him as he pressed his head nearer the wall and closed his eyes. "Leo Hardy?" Rhys Wilson called out of his office as Leo stood up and made his way to him. "Hi Leo, how are you today?" the friendly young man offered his hand but Leo slid past him and into his office. "Please, take a seat!" Rhys gestured for him to sit down and he complied, as he sat down opposite him with a huge A4 notepad and pen. "So last session we were just getting to know each other and..." Rhys frowned, "...Leo will you put your hood down please?" Leo gave him a dirty look and did as he asked. "That's better!" he smiled and clicked his pen. "Now, have you managed to go out at all since our last meeting or..." Leo sneered at him and pointed at his face.

"Do you honestly expect me to go out anywhere looking like THIS???" Rhys blinked and smiled.

"Yes!"

Tara had made macaroni cheese for dinner as she waited for Leo to come home from his therapy session with Doctor Rhys Wilson. She hoped that it would do him some good to talk to a stranger, get everything off of his chest. As she heard Charlie chatting away and the front door slamming, she went out to see how Leo got on. "All I'm saying is don't attack the people who are trying to help you!" Charlie ran a hand through his floppy hair and sighed as Leo retreated to his trusty couch and grabbed the television remote.

"I don't want any help why can't you all see that???" Leo yelled and threw the remote across the room. Charlie laughed angrily,

"Oh very mature Leo, very mature!"

"Fuck you! Have you any idea what it's like to look like THIS???" Leo ripped his hood off and he stared his friend down. Charlie took a step back and smiled sadly.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with your face man! It's how ugly your insides are that you should be worried about!" and he about turned, marched towards the front door and stormed out slamming it as he went.

"What was all that about?" Tara enquired as she joined him on the couch.

"Rhys and I had...a...disagreement and I told him to go to hell!" Tara shook her head, stood up and looked around the room for the remote he had flung in anger.

"Dinner will be ready in ten minutes!" was all she could say as she retrieved the remote from behind the television.

After watching Leo pick at his food again and retreat to his room, Tara felt it was time for a heart to heart. As he lay on his bed feverishly scribbling in that diary of his, she sat down beside him as he swiftly stopped writing and shoved the diary under his pillow. "Can't you knock?" he muttered.

"Leo I want to talk about what happened the other week." Leo shook his head briefly and shrugged.

"Nothing to talk about." Tara had been afraid to bring up the subject but it had to be brought out into the open or things would never be resolved.

"Leo you tried to kill yourself!" Leo gasped at the reality of what he had actually done as Tara continued, "You downed a bottle of vodka and paracetamol and you attempted to end your life! I found you lying in your own vomit barely alive and..." she screwed her eyes shut as the tears appeared on her face, "...we never talked about it! You never said...I just want to know why!" she wept. There was a long, unbearable silence that she could hardly stand. It was driving her mad, but then Leo finally answered her.

"I can barely look at myself, when I go out I feel like everyone is staring I...I'm not the man I was before..." Tara finished his sentence,

"Before Makayla attacked you!" Leo winced and whispered,

"Don't say her name, please!" Tara took hold of her son's hand and kissed it lightly.

"Leo, you're still my handsome boy! I just wish you could see that!"

"So how was it?" Rhys asked quietly as Leo shrugged, trying not to show how big a deal it was. "It's okay to feel something Leo!" Rhys reassured him.

"I only went to the end of the road, and I had my hood over my head the whole time!"

"Leo, don't belittle your achievement, however big or small it's still an achievement!" Rhys smiled, and a small one appeared on Leo's face too. This had been their fourth meeting, the third one was a little subdued after Leo had been rude to Rhys before. But as a peace offering Leo agreed to venture outside in the daylight. It hadn't been that big a deal, but nobody was around and it was on his own quiet street. "I want you to try and go into town this time, and you can wear the hoodie!" Rhys laughed softly at the frightened expression on Leo's face.

Leo stood at the end of his street and watched the cars whiz by. After this road it was the town centre, and as he tugged at the ties on his hoodie, he prepared to cross the street and venture out into civilisation. Once he was across he walked quickly towards town in order to avoid chickening out and running back home. Only a handful of people passed him in the street and the cars buzzed in his ears. He could see Charlie standing outside the coffee shop where he promised he would be. "Leo my man!" Charlie chuckled proudly and stretched out his big arms, crushing him in an excruciating hug.

"Hey!" Leo mumbled, crushed by his powerful chest. "Well I'll walk you back if..." Charlie eyed him up and down, trying to gauge his level of anxiety.

"No, I'll...I'll try to go in!"

"Are you sure? Baby steps, remember?" Leo nodded and glanced inside the coffee shop where a young woman was standing vacantly behind the counter. Charlie noticed him looking and pointed at her, "Izzy!" Leo shook his head as if to clear it and screwed up his nose in confusion.

"Huh?"

"That's Izzy you're eyeing up there! Isabel? Amanda's little sister?"

"Oh right!" Leo nodded, he watched her stare into space through her thick glasses. She was pretty, with strawberry blonde hair, but there was a sadness about her. Leo found her intriguing, she wasn't the type of girl he would usually go for, she was plainer than the models and actresses he was used to. But she certainly had him wanting to go inside and be brave for a minute. "Let's go then!" he gave himself a mental shake and opened the door to go inside as Charlie laughed in surprise.

"Alrighty then!"

To Be Continued...